My mother used to always tell her friends I was a "late bloomer". In 6th grade, I was the one inviting only my best friend over to my house so we could play Barbies in secret. In high school, guys would often mistake my bubbly, friendly personality for flirting. I am told I broke a few hearts, but I had no idea there were even hearts to be broken! When I left home to go to college (20 minutes away), I begged my parents not to leave and asked if I could transfer to community college because I would be able to live at home! I just wasn't ready to leave my "safe place". I guess it would only make sense that right now, less than a week into my 30's, I have begun what most people experience in their mid-20's...a quarter-life crisis. (Maybe this means I'll just live REALLY long haha!)
My quarter life crisis doesn't involve anything too drastic, like buying a mercedes or cutting my hair all off (although, I have committed myself to some sweet purple highlights when I return from my sun-filled vacation). No, no! My quarter life crisis entails some truly deep thought about who I am, who I was, and who I have yet to become. Can anyone relate?
Here's how it all started...
Almost three years ago (wow, I can't believe it's already been 3 years), my family faced one of the most devastating and unexpected losses we could ever imagine. My brother-in-law passed away at age 29...just two months before his 30th birthday. I was the only person in my immediate family who was not there when the rest of the family received the news. I still have a lot of guilt about that.
Since family has ALWAYS been the top priority in my life, it absolutely crushed me to see my family, particularly my sister, in so much pain. It hurt even more to know that their pain was different (maybe worse) than mine because I was not physically there when they found out. So, on my husband's birthday (two weeks after Matt died), we made the decision to move back toward family if the chance ever arose. And it did...3 months later! So, off we went back to our hometown to raise our son (our only child at the time) as close as possible to family. And though I miss many things about my adopted hometown, I am forever grateful for the opportunity to have my children see their grandparents weekly (sometimes more)...something I did not have growing up.
I digress.
Now that I am 30 years old, I am officially older than my brother-in-law lived to be. This is a very strange thought for me and one of the reasons I have begun looking so deeply into my own life. I am a firm believer everything happens for a reason, which only makes me ponder if I am living my own life to its fullest potential...if not for myself, but for my kids, for my students at work, and for my brother-in-law who did not have the chance!
So, as a way of giving myself the power to LIVE; I have created a little pledge to myself...
My Pledge to Myself at 30
I pledge to never let electronic devices be more important than my children.
I pledge to try harder to tell loved ones how I feel.
I pledge to give as many kisses and hugs to my children as I want.
I pledge to hold my husband's hand in public.
I pledge to never let a day go by without thanking God for what I have been blessed with.
I pledge to smile often, but allow myself to cry when I need to.
I pledge to never let my wasteline define me.
I pledge to going on adventures!
I pledge to stop spending all my money at Target and start enjoying what I already have.
I pledge to be brave when faced with change and never look back with regret...for every day is a new day of life and God has a reason for bringing me to this point.
Wow...thanks to all of you who took the time to read this! Do you have a pledge? I'd love to hear it...
