let it roll...

This past weekend, we had my daughter's first birthday party.  I cannot believe she is 1 already!  As any mother does, I spent the morning of her birthday recalling every painstaking and joyful minute of her labor.  From the moment my water broke while watching hockey playoffs (have I mentioned we're hockey fans??), to the chilling silence when the doctors attempted to unwrap the cord from her tiny, brittle neck, and the moment I got to hold her for the first time--so tiny, so vulnerable, so loved.  It is incredible how babies and children change you! 

But enough of that...onto the celebrating!  We got together with some of our closest family and a few friends and partied all night long!  It was AWESOME!  At the end of the party, one of my nearest and dearest friends thanked us for inviting them and commented on how enjoyable the celebration was.  I thanked her quietly and then came up with some reason why it went so well...the stars aligned that night, or maybe it's a calm before the sugar-high storm!  You know, total avoidance of a compliment.

Later that night, after all the cake was cleaned off the furniture and the kids' sugar highs became exhausted lows, I started thinking about that compliment.  I started thinking about how much fun I had at the party and how great it was to just be with the ones I love.  Two years ago--when my son turned one, this was not the case.  I was a basketcase...so stressed out that everything for the party needed to be perfect.  I even snapped at my mother-in-law for giving my son a present out of turn...definitely not my proudest moment. 

 Ayden's 1st Birthday!  Cupcake Face.

Laney's 1st Birthday Cupcake...a little more timid.  

So, what's changed since then?  A LOT.  But mostly, I've given up trying to please everyone.  It's just not possible, nor is it necessary.  In other words, I just let it roll.  And ya know what, I'm a whole lot less stressed than I ever was before.  Let's face it, friends, life is too damn short to worry about what everyone else is thinking about you!  I have learned to define my priorities and forget about the rest.  Instead of spending my evenings glued to the tv or wrestling with copious amounts of house work, I spend my time loving up my family.  Most nights, you can find us playing together, eating together, snuggling together...anything we need to do...together.  I am fully aware that I will never get those moments back when the kids are a little older and want nothing to do with my husband and I...I am not going to let any minute pass me by.  And yeah, I realize this means that I may have to stay up late some nights to prep lunches for the next day or collect the garbage on "Oh Shit Night" (my dad's endearing name for Garbage Pick Up Eve), but it's okay with me because my son and my daughter...and even my husband...know that they are my top priority. 

Once I realized what my priorities were, life just seemed to come together.  Now, I know that my priorities will change over the years...and that is okay.  At that time, I will reassemble my priority list and make sure I'm doing what it is I need to do to let it roll! 

What are your priorities in life?  Do you live for those priorities or do you let other things get in the way?  Are you able to do what you need for yourself without pleasing others or is the control in someone else's court? 

Wondering how to prioritize your life...here's a great way to start...

Think about your personal goals for the next 5 years.  Is what you're doing NOW leading you to accomplish those goals?  If not, what needs to change?

I'd like to leave you with a few pictures that align with my priorities and goals...I hope they inspire you to think about letting it roll...

 Giving my kids every opportunity to love one another and life (I always want my kids to be close...it hurts my heart when I hear siblings aren't friends)

 Exploring my Faith each and every day (please note, I said explore...I think it is really important to explore and question...it's the only way we grow). 

 Make our house a home by simplifying it and aligning it with my priorities (simplification is very much a work in progress)

Boston Part 2

Friends! 

I apologize that it has been so long since I last blogged.  I kid you not when I tell you, we have been sick the better part of the last month!  Ear infections, viruses, stomach bugs, allergies...ear infections AGAIN...it's been ridiculous!  I am so ready for good weather being here to stay (and dandelions dying away fast)! 

In my last post, I spoke about the horrific events that occurred in Boston.  I wanted to take another moment to share my thoughts further, if you'll allow it. 

Sidenote: This post is based on the news as we have been told...unassuming of any other theories on what happened that horrific day. 


As we heard more and more about the Boston bombings, I went through many of the same emotions Elisabeth Kubler-Ross uses to describe the grieving process (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance); as I am sure many of you also went through or may still be going through as we grieve the loss of incredible friends, family members, relatives, and fellow Americans.  Then, I started thinking about the suspects and I felt something I was really uncomfortable feeling!  I felt pain and grief FOR THEM!  I didn't want to share this with anyone for fear I'd be looked down upon or hated by red-white-and-blue blooded Americans...those of whom I consider myself to be a part of!  After many days of thinking through all of my thoughts, I decided I needed to share them and explain exactly why I feel them so strongly...

I am one of three girls.  My older sister is 2.5 years older and my younger sister is 11 years younger!  It is amazing to have this age range and I wouldn't change it for the world.  As the years have gone on, I can 100% say that I would do ANYTHING for my sisters...whatever they need, I am there for them (even at 2am when I'm getting a call to pick someone up from a bar...but that's for another day).  When my older sister became a widow, I felt sick to my stomach that I couldn't help her move back home because I was still nursing a very colicky little guy.  When my younger sister was ill as a teen, I cried myself to sleep each night, praying that she would be well again so that we could enjoy all that life had given her together! 

Now that my baby sister is 18 years old and a super successful college student (hello 4.0 her freshman year...many higher level classes--sorry Em, have to brag about you); I can't imagine ever jeopardizing her education, career, life plan, etc.  I am so proud of the young woman she has become and I cannot wait to see where life will take her over the next 10 years and on!  The amount of potential she holds in her skinny little body is immeasurable and to be at a point in our lives where we can be sisters AND good friends is so great!  There is something so gratifying about having such a strong bond with someone who knows all of the things that makes you tick and loves you anyway! 

On the other hand, having the chance to be an older sister to her; to give her guidance when she asks, but also give her independence when she needs it, is a challenge!  How do you protect someone from making mistakes you have seen yourself make in the past, while also letting her spread her own wings and learn on her own!?  I guess that's what makes life such a beautiful dance...we cannot lead unless the other person is willing to follow...but then it wouldn't really be their dance, now would it?

Here is my point...as an older sibling, I try my hardest to help my sister grow on her own (even when she thinks I'm butting in--trust me Em, it could be way worse! :P) into the individual she needs to be.  At only 18 years old, I know she is only beginning to see what crazy good and evil this world has in it.  It pains me to know that with 11 years between us, she will probably see much more evil than I live to see.  If there was any way to keep her safe each and every moment, I would do that...because she is my sister and I love her. 

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, 19 years old, a smart, high-potential young man, with a budding scope of the world most young adults have, trusted his brother.  Why wouldn't he?  He and his brother came here together; they stayed close.  Why would he question anything his brother told him...afterall, older siblings are typically wiser...right?  Tamerlan Tsarnaev was an older brother.  He could have helped protect his brother from evil...even if he thought the US was evil, he could have shielded his brother from the things he found unjust.  He could have allowed his brother reach the potential he had and become a world-class adult.  Instead, he used his older brother rank to fill a need for himself...he manipulated a bright young mind.  And then, he let his brother take all the heat for both of them...
 What kind of life did Tamerlan have that this became his only out?  What was missing in him that made him want to do this?  What hate was he shown that made him show others such hate?  Do I show others hate?  Did these young men ever feel acceptance?  If so, where?  Do I try my hardest to help people feel accepted?  Doesn't everyone deserve some sort of acceptance?


As a religious person, I've always been told to turn the other cheek on hatred...never let anyone take away the love I have in my heart.  Stories like these pain me for so many reasons...and I ache so badly for those who were lost or injured in Boston.  I can only pray that, from this, we learn that hatred does not heal hatred...and sometimes, all we can do is pray for the acceptance of all individuals. 

Boston

I, like all of you, have been at such a loss for words over the bombings in Boston earlier this week.  I just cannot understand HOW, WHY, WHO!  It makes no sense to me.  And then I think about how some countries deal with these completely senseless bombings DAILY, and my heart hurts more than I can handle.  I plan to blog more about this topic in the coming days, but for now I'd like to leave you with a short video.  I am a hockey fan...so much so, that on our wedding day, my husband and I wore Buffalo Sabres (our favorite team) jerseys to our wedding reception!  Last night was the first Sporting event in Boston since the bombing...and it just so happened to be the Boston Bruins and the Buffalo Sabres.  I think either way, I would have watched the game; but, I was not prepared for the emotional bucket of tears I became when I watched the entire arena sing the National Anthem together.  For a moment in time, we were all united...one arena, one country, one great big support group for each other.  At the end of the game, both teams gave a salute...which I couldn't get a video of this morning, but if you can find it on youtube, please feel free to share it!

Boston Bruins/Buffalo Sabres National Anthem...Boston Strong


Thanks to John Bain for posting.

One more for Papa

Well Hello there Followers! 

I know, it has been so long since I've written.  It's been a difficult month or so.  My grandfather passed away just before the Easter Triduum, which was extremely difficult.  When you hear the word "grandpa", you  might picture an old man with super grey hair, wrinkles aplenty, and maybe even wrinkled lips where teeth used to rest.  But not my Papa.  No, not even close.  Up until close to the end, my Papa was lifting weights, investing in the stock market (ya know, just a fun pastime), and working via his home office.  He was so robust, in fact, that he and my grandmother decided to build a brand new house to be closer to family, "just in case".  My grandmother closed on their new house the day my Papa was admitted into ICU.  He never got to see  his house. 

As I searched for solace in the wake of my grandfather's death; I thought about my Papa's life.  He was an extremely religious man, even considered joining the Church before finally (and thankfully) marrying my beautiful grandmother!  And even while he gave 100% to his career in the law field, he gave 110% to his family life.  He was actively involved in our lives, attending all of our graduations, parties, and life events.  Summers were always spent together at "Papa's lake", initially a cottage he and family built, then a new cottage built after the first one burned down, and finally a house on the lake, large enough to fit all 5 children, their children, and even their children too...as long as you don't mind sleeping on a random couch or floor!  ;)  My Papa LOVED family...and it was so fitting for us all to be together on one of the Holiest of days (Easter) right in the middle of his wakes and funeral service. 

I will never forget my Papa and I will never forget all of the love he gave me and my family.  He has taught me so much and I am so proud to have known him!  My children are so lucky to have known him and loved him so unconditionally, even for just a short time. 

Grad School Graduation  May, 2006

For Papa

For the past month or so, my grandfather's health has rapidly declined.  I have been spending a lot of time at the hospital with him and with family.  Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated! 

Here are some great pics of my grandfather, Papa!  Thanks for letting me take a walk down memory lane with you (I really need to get my pics from before 2006 digitized).  

Meeting My daughter last summer!

 Holding my son at his baptism...it was snowing...in MAY! 

 Not my grandpa...this is our dog, Winston...Papa was the first person to meet him! 

 At my wedding!  Look at that smile! 

 My rehearsal dinner...that's my grandma with him! 

 At my cousin's wedding...he was the officiant!  

 At the lake...his favorite place! 

 On my grandma's 75th birthday! 

At my cousin's rehearsal...that's my mom and uncle photobombing!

5 minute retreat

Life has been so hectic lately!  As if two kids under 3 wasn't enough, my husband just wrapped up his first season of coaching basketball and my grandfather has been in and out and in the hospital again.  At the same time, Hubbs and I have been planning our first big family vacation coming in a couple weeks and trying to make big family decisions for the good of little order!  Oh, and did you hear we have a new Pope!?  Working at a Catholic school means this is HUGE news! 

While all this is going on, I often find myself thinking how it would be so awesome if I could get in a retreat.  It doesn't have to be faith-based; but, something that  really gives me a charge, a renewed sense of self.  Ya know?

Since leaving for a weekend to do so seems ridiculously out of the question at this point, I found myself trying to make my own 5 minute retreat!  Start a Journal (blog)...work in progress.  Go for a long run...well, I got 3 miles in and realized I was starting to think more about my burning chest in the freezing temps than the secret of life.  Listen to music...a typical favorite choice of mine, but now that my toddler is into tunes, hearing to Call Me Maybe on loop just doesn't seem serene anymore!  So, I resorted to one of my favorite 5 minute retreats...PICTURES!  Here are some pictures that help me gain focus and feel all warm and cozy inside...Enjoy!!

 They love each other! 

 Argento Photography...THE BEST!

 Ah yes...my super skinny, good hair, tan days! Hubbs is so cute!  That's his little cousin!

 Puerto Rico 2012 

 Nothing Better than a Florida Sunset

 My pooch...before he turned grey!

 Best Friends! 

 Lake Life is the Good Life! 

 Cute pic right?  He's actually just leaving time out for hitting his sister and kissing her an apology!

 Mom, Dad, Sisters, and Me!  My "other" best friends!

Quarter Life Crisis

My mother used to always tell her friends I was a "late bloomer".  In 6th grade, I was the one inviting only my best friend over to my house so we could play Barbies in secret.  In high school, guys would often mistake my bubbly, friendly personality for flirting.  I am told I broke a few hearts, but I had no idea there were even hearts to be broken!  When I left home to go to college (20 minutes away), I begged my parents not to leave and asked if I could transfer to community college because I would be able to live at home!  I just wasn't ready to leave my "safe place".  I guess it would only make sense that right now, less than a week into my 30's, I have begun what most people experience in their mid-20's...a quarter-life crisis.  (Maybe this means I'll just live REALLY long haha!)


My quarter life crisis doesn't involve anything too drastic, like buying a mercedes or cutting my hair all off (although, I have committed myself to some sweet purple highlights when I return from my sun-filled vacation).  No, no!  My quarter life crisis entails some truly deep thought about who I am, who I was, and who I have yet to become.  Can anyone relate?

Here's how it all started...

Almost three years ago (wow, I can't believe it's already been 3 years), my family faced one of the most devastating and unexpected losses we could ever imagine.  My brother-in-law passed away at age 29...just two months before his 30th birthday.  I was the only person in my immediate family who was not there when the rest of the family received the news.  I still have a lot of guilt about that.  

Since family has ALWAYS been the top priority in my life, it absolutely crushed me to see my family, particularly my sister, in so much pain.  It hurt even more to know that their pain was different (maybe worse) than mine because I was not physically there when they found out.  So, on my husband's birthday (two weeks after Matt died), we made the decision to move back toward family if the chance ever arose.  And it did...3 months later!  So, off we went back to our hometown to raise our son (our only child at the time) as close as possible to family.  And though I miss many things about my adopted hometown, I am forever grateful for the opportunity to have my children see their grandparents weekly (sometimes more)...something I did not have growing up.

I digress.

Now that I am 30 years old, I am officially older than my brother-in-law lived to be.  This is a very strange thought for me and one of the reasons I have begun looking so deeply into my own life.  I am a firm believer everything happens for a reason, which only makes me ponder if I am living my own life to its fullest potential...if not for myself, but for my kids, for my students at work, and for my brother-in-law who did not have the chance!

So, as a way of giving myself the power to LIVE; I have created a little pledge to myself...

My Pledge to Myself at 30

I pledge to never let electronic devices be more important than my children.
I pledge to try harder to tell loved ones how I feel.
I pledge to give as many kisses and hugs to my children as I want.
I pledge to hold my husband's hand in public.
I pledge to never let a day go by without thanking God for what I have been blessed with.
I pledge to smile often, but allow myself to cry when I need to.
I pledge to never let my wasteline define me.
I pledge to going on adventures!
I pledge to stop spending all my money at Target and start enjoying what I already have.
I pledge to be brave when faced with change and never look back with regret...for every day is a new day of life and God has a reason for bringing me to this point.



Wow...thanks to all of you who took the time to read this!  Do you have a pledge?  I'd love to hear it...